Lucius Goes Crazy
by Zapper
Summary: This is a response to an ACHOO challenge. Basically, it involves Hogwarts going a little nuts, and Lucius malfoy wearing too much makeup...


"The sleeping fox catches no poultry." Professor Flitwick said as he stepped up onto his pile of   
books.  
  
Everyone in the room was confused. Including Hermione, who was rarely confused. In unison,   
the whole class muttered, "Huh?"  
  
Flitwick, who looked as though he hadn't done anything besides walk into the room, started his   
class.   
  
"Today, we are going to learn about Translating Charms." Hermione was shocked. She had   
never heard of this charm. She whispered that she had no clue how to do this charm to Ron,   
who promptly fainted.  
  
Draco was sent to take Ron up to the Hospital Wing, much to his disgust. There he met   
someone rather unexpected.  
  
"Father? W-what are you doing here?" Draco said, stuttering slighty.   
  
"Me? I'm getting a happy pill from Madam Pomfrey…" Lucius Malfoy said as he popped a pill   
into his mouth.  
  
Lucius laughed like a three-year old child. "HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!" With that, he ran   
off, chasing some imaginary creature. Draco pretended not to have noticed what his father had   
just done, and gave Ron to Madam Pomfrey.  
  
He walked back to the Charms classroom, just in time to learn the incantation for the   
Translating Charm.  
  
"Just say Reddo and then the language you wish to have the person talk. Also, you MUST   
wave your wand like this," Flitwick demonstrated an easy wand motion, "or the spell will go   
horribly wrong." Neville gulped.  
  
Hermione and Harry partnered up to practice the spell. Hermione did it perfectly, forcing Harry   
to talk in Spanish. Just then, Lucius came in.  
  
It was quite a sight, to see the Death Eater in his present situation. His hands were covering his   
eyes, so you couldn't see what was done to them. You could see the rest of his face, and it was   
not a pretty sight. Mounds of foundation were covered with even more bright red blush than   
there was foundation.  
  
"PEEK-A-BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lucius screamed, uncovering his eyes.  
  
Now you could see the horrors done to his eyes. Blue eye shadow completely covered anything   
within a two inch radius around his eye. Black eyeliner was around his eye also, at least a   
quarter inch thick.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy?" Flitwick said in disbelief. Everyone took a second from laughing to sneak a   
peak at Draco, who looked as if he wanted to sink into the floor and never come up again.  
  
There attention drifted back to Lucius, who was now singing *NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" with   
the dance routine to match. Harry, while he loved to see Lucius make fun of himself, could not   
take it any longer. He absolutely despised *NYSYC.   
  
"DON'T WANNA BE A FOOL FOR YOU, JUST ANOTHER PLAYER IN THIS GAME   
FOR TWO….YOU MAY HATE ME BUT IT AIN'T NO LIE…BABY BYE BYE   
BYE…BYE BYE!"  
  
"No baile o cante, por favor!" Harry said, who had completely forgotten he still had a   
Translation Charm put on him. Hermione noticed.  
  
"Finite Incantatem." She said, waving her wand. Harry was able to talk English now.  
  
Ron woke up, and Madam Pomfrey didn't notice. He crept out of the Hospital Wing silently,   
and he headed back to the Charms class.  
  
He walked in, and suddenly screamed, "I'M SO ASHAMED OF BEING POOR! There, I   
said it."  
  
Flitwick walked over to him, confused by the odd behavior of the last two people who had   
walked in his room and said, "Having been poor is no shame, but being ashamed of it, is."  
  
Ron was very confused, and looked as if he had no clue of what had just happened. Just then,   
the bell rang, and it was time for class to be over.  
  
Lucius was still there, and he had stopped singing and dancing long ago, at Harry's request.   
Apparently he understood Spanish.   
  
"LET ME GO FIRST! I SHOULD GO FIRST BECAUSE I BRUSH WITH CREST!!!!!!!   
DUN DUN AWOOO PSHT!" Lucuis scrambled out of the classroom before anyone else,   
running over to his new best friend, Sirius Black.  
  
Now Lucuis was a little, errr, excited, and started to sing. "WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW   
SUBMARINE, A YELLOW SUBMARINE, A YELLOW SUBMARINE…"   
  
Sirius quickly joined in, and as soon as Yellow Submarine was finished, they started singing, "I   
AM THE EGGMAN, I AM THE EGGMAN, I AM THE WALRUS! GOO GOO GA   
JOOB!" Everyone in the school dropped what they were doing to sing the next song.  
  
"BANG! BANG! MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER CAME DOWN ON HER HEAD!"  
  
Lucius and Sirius conjured up a tube of Crest toothpaste and a Crest toothbrush, and ran off to   
the Potions dungeon to do some damage to Snape's room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dumbledore smiled, and he checked his watch. The hour he had set for the Loony Charm was   
almost up. Perhaps he should go get Minerva to see if she would try a Lemon Drop…  
  
A/N: Well, er…that just sort of came out. I had fun writing it…smiles Oh, and please don't   
flame me for it! I had tons of fun writing it, and I just wanted someone to read it….I don't care   
if you review or not…although I'd like it if you did…smiles again  
  
  
  
  



End file.
